Halloween is a magical time. It’s a time of black cats and goblins and broomsticks and ghosts. Halloween is more than just spooks and scares, however. It’s a chance to put on a mask and be whoever you want to be, to let loose, and embrace your inner child. But without some semblance of responsibility, your outer adult could face some serious jail time. So, let us guide you through the do’s and don’ts of All Hallows’ Eve. These are the Halloween antics you should avoid doing as an adult.
Cover Photo: FX Network
Standing outside of windows in costume.
When you’re a kid, you might think it’s fun to don a Michael Myers mask, grab a knife, and stand outside unsuspecting suburban homes. And yes, it is kind of fun to harmlessly creep out neighboring families who might think they’re going to get murdered. But, if you do it as an adult, we’re pretty sure it’s a crime.
Soaping windows or toilet papering your neighbor's house.
When you’re a kid, Halloween is as much about the trick as it is the treat. But whereas kids can usually get away with sophomoric attempts at vandalism, if you do it as an adult, it’s
actual vandalism. And you will probably be prosecuted accordingly. Plus, it’s harder to remain anonymous as an adult. No matter what kind of mask you might be wearing, your neighbor will immediately recognize your Prius across the street.
Crashing Halloween parties with a 24-pack of Keystone.
In high school, and even college, it was more than acceptable to crash random Halloween house parties as long as you BYOBed. These days, even if you bring a pack of Keystone with you, your arrival will only bum people out. It will be embarrassing for everyone involved. It takes a very special person to be considered "the cool adult," and chances are, you are not it.
Making out in haunted houses.
Since the Halloween party was a bust (and by bust, we mean your presence there made everybody think you were a cop), you may be tempted to check out a haunted house. You have fond memories of being trapped inside a hall of horrors with your special someone. As a kid, it was one of the few times you could be alone in the dark with your sweetheart. Despite the madness happening around you, you couldn’t resist the chance to get a little handsy in the corner of a dark room. As a kid, it was cute. But now, as an adult, your little make-out sesh could be considered a crime, depending on which body parts are inadvertently exposed.
Trick or Treating.
We know. We’re being total buzzkills. But one of us needs to be the responsible one of the masses. It’s a tough job, but with great power comes great responsibility and we believe it’s our responsibility to tell you that trick-or-treating as a child is OK. Trick-or-treating as a teenager is also OK! Kids should stay young for as long as they can. But once you hit the age of…let’s say 18…it’s time to put the pillowcase back on the pillow. When you turn 18, you get to buy cigarettes, porn, and a uniform for the military. But all of that comes at a cost. The cost is your Halloween candy. Luckily, now that you’re a grown-up, you can just go to the store and buy your own candy without having to worry about whether old Mr. Higgins has poisoned any of it. See, all’s well that ends well.